I won't get tired of you.

Every once in a while one person in particular will leave an impression on me. I go through my life talking to lots of individuals; and make no mistake, who they are and their thoughts and feelings are important to me; but maybe once every six months to a year I’ll have a conversation or a couple of interactions with someone and find myself thinking about that person later. I find myself wondering about their life and what exactly makes them the way they are. What makes them have the thoughts that they have and what makes them decide which thoughts are okay to say out loud? I wonder if they’re like me. And I wonder if I have ever made such a big impression on someone.

In each one of my friends I can see a part of myself. That means that a part of me will want the company of only certain people at certain times. I have to remind myself to give them parts of myself too. Because it’s all about pouring into one another and without doing that you run out of things to pour . . . but that’s another subject.

Here’s a really short, longer than necessary, mini autobiography.
I’ve spent most of my life being uncomfortable in my surroundings. Whether at home or school, I was uncomfortable. There is a plethora of reasons why: dirty looks, awkwardness (on my part), my upbringing. . . Friends came in my life and left. Family members either dramatically changed or my relationship with them became non-existent. Some bad things happened. I don’t claim that anything about my life was how I wanted it to be. But the point of this mini autobiography is to state that I’ve always wanted to get out of town, change my look, meet cool open minded people, and I didn’t want anyone to get tired of me.

I got out of town. That made me happy.

The decision about whether I go to LA next semester for film studies is pending. I know I should go but I don’t want to. As the date draws near, I break into a sweat and start to panic. Maybe it’s because for the first time in my life, I am somewhere along the lines of contentment. I’ve surrounded myself with people who like to sit around telling long stories that say something about who they are and what they believe. I’ve surrounded myself with people who care about things. I’m going to school and writing scripts and taking long walks and doing all the things I like to do. I like it here. I’m tired of always starting a new life.

Or maybe some little person who is impressed with other little people, like myself, should be excited and hope that all these little mini lives lead to something stable. A place where you can grow old; and eat dinner together every night.