I don't think that I can think a single thought to myself. I want everyone to know everything that I'm thinking; as if I were to just say everything out loud, everyone would know exactly what I mean and supernaturally connect with me. It would be cool if certain people had radars about where the other was at certain times, and the radar would tell them when that person was feeling sad or happy and they wouldn't even be in the same room. Ever. Like an emotional Siamese twin. As a kid I used to fantasize about one person who knew everything I was thinking at the exact time I was thinking whether or not I was with them or not.
I guess I can't articulate this thing that I call a supernatural connection. I am only talking about this because it's on the forefront of my mind. Today Nadia was telling a story and it involved her saying: "Do you know if they have a blah blah blah around here?" I thought it was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing. Even as I lied down to take a nap I couldn't stop laughing. Other things on the forefront of my mind: I'm tired and I need sleep. I need more sleep as I get older, and I'm only twenty two.
I like it when people care about something deeply, like the environment or artistic integrity or health care or self actualization or another human being. I hate talking and talking and saying "what do you think?" and the response is: "I don't know. I just like to do my own thing." I also hate it when I find myself thinking this way. I don't do careless or passionless.
I had the strongest urge to say "I love you" to everyone I saw today. I didn't. I'm messy, and spilling everywhere. I don't want to take the time to collect it all, I want to let it scatter all over the floor. I am going to burst . . . waiting and waiting and waiting. . .I will wait.
I feel like we've been going through the same phases recently.
ReplyDeleteWhen I want to say "I love you" to everyone I do. Sometimes I even kiss everyone's faces. Later on I hope I didn't make them uncomfortable.
I never am able to stop myself from being expressive. I just explode everywhere all of the time and talk to anyone who is around me. And often times I have no filter. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes not so much.
=/
I love you. = )
Talking about thinking that when you talk people will know exactly what you mean reminds me of Groups, because people make the assumption that they understand what people are saying (when they usually don't) and that everyone understands what they're saying (which people usually don't). I think that's so hard to think about, because lately I've been saying a lot of things that are just supposed to be silly things, but then I realize that people probably took them in a different way than I meant them.
ReplyDeleteI love reading what you write. And I love you.