Blogging

Summer

I've decided to start a blog. Why? Who knows?
Just kidding. One of the reasons I wanted to take up blogging again is because I've such a stormy relationship with my journal. The difference between a private journal and a public one is just that: privacy. When I've privacy I've the freedom to rant about nothing and to be more dramatic than anyone should be allowed. Since I tend to journal only when I'm at an emotional peak, I forget to record the events of my life. They are more feelings than thoughts, or more thoughts than feelings. I remember when I took Groups. We had to journal the events of each class and what we thought and felt. Many times I have trouble finding this balance and fitting it all into a single entry. I'm hoping this blog might bring a little organization to my reflections.

So that's the reason for my blogging. The primary reason anyway. The other reason is that it might keep me mildly entertained during the summer.

It's summer. Wow. Coming home again made me remember the last time I came home for the summer, which didn't seem that long ago. I remember I had already been setting goals for the next school year. I was going to write a screenplay, one for Playwriting and one for the film fest, and make a film. I was going to get to know more people because most of my friends had graduated.

Now I sit back and remember those goals and think how I had managed to reach all of them. I made a film, wrote a full length screenplay, and had a busy social life. Check, check, check.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a tendency to be hard on myself. Both when I'm with people and when I'm alone. Just tonight as I was washing dishes while listening to Muse I thought of how mad at myself I am: for being unhealthy, for being silly and awkward, for being selfish and not thinking enough about others and not taking time alone with God so that things can make sense again.

Maybe that's another reason why I recognize the need for a public journal. Things run together and blur and spiral downward when someone like me is alone with her thoughts for too long, until brought into the light of company. And I love company. I can't say how thankful I am that I've finally learned enough about myself to know that people are important to me; how thankful I am for both family and friends. It's easier to find joy when you think of all the things you appreciate: like your bed and coffee in the morning and hot showers and the clothes on your back and the friends who care about what you have to say.

I don't know what my summer plans are yet. I go back and forth on making a decision between staying with friends or staying at home. Prayers would be appreciated in helping me decide.